Hello again everybody, the DSC will back on the radio at JACK 100.7 starting August 2nd, yet I will continue here at 619Sports.Net sharing with you the latest insanities…In The Sports World!
Chargers team doctor David Chao reportedly wrote 108 drug prescriptions to himself, but the DEA says there’s no reason to believe he was using the medications himself. In a related story, Helen Woodward bought 108 bags of cat food, but there’s no reason to believe she was eating them herself.
If the implication is that pain pills eventually fell into the mouths of NFL players, is it really all that shocking, or even immoral? It’s not like these guys are giving each other massages out there. More like skydivers whose parachutes didn’t open. Advil isn’t strong enough.
Think about it. Moralists are outraged about steroids and painkillers and the bad examples they set for kids. Fair enough. Equal consideration should be given to the fact that these men are gladiators who purposely punish their bodies in ways the average citizen could never imagine, unless one is unfortunate enough to be in a car wreck. Since it’s all for our entertainment, who’s the guilty party now?
As Mick Jagger sang, “Who killed the Kennedys? … It was you and me.”
We should have sympathy for these devils.
The MLB All Star game earned its lowest-ever TV rating. Just think how much higher (lower?) they would have been if Mat Latos would have been named to the squad. After all, Latos Fever is an epidemic at ESPN these days. No wait, the east coast isn’t aware SD has an MLB franchise. My bad.
The Padres could change that perception by winning a World Series. As much we cherish the 1984 and 1998 pennants, nobody else does. Does anybody outside of Houston cherish 2005? Will limousines be carting out Berkman and Biggio in Houston 25 years from now like they did with Bevacqua and Garvey last summer at Petco? (insert smattering of applause here.)
Here's to you, Michael Collins
In the big picture, pennants are kinda sad. Like collapsing at mile 25 of a marathon, or being the poor sap suck in the command module while Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin frolicked on the moon. For the nine people that remember Michael Collins from Apollo 11, there’s another nine that remember Donne Wall, and I’m one of them. See what I mean? (Donne Wall relieved Kevin Brown in game one of the ’98 WS).
Prediction: Mat Latos will be your 2010 World Series MVP. You heard it here first.
Meanwhile, in the National Baaa—-
—-sketball Association! (rimshot)
With Derek Fisher spurning the LeBron-Wade-Bosh invitation to join them in Miami, who are the Heat going to get now with the pennies they have left? Bob Cousy? Jimmy Chitwood? Zac Efron? (Zac had a nice crossover dribble in 17 Again). Nah, Zac gets $10 million a picture. It’s Couz or Jimmy.- Even if they convince a decent batch of low-priced players to join them, LeBron, Wade, and Bosh are like broodmares attending a gelding convention: not enough balls to go around.
From the Swedish Closed to the British Open: Tiger Woods is using a brand new putter at St. Andrews: the Nike Abstention.- Tiger has won a couple of Claret jugs already. Rachel Claret, a hostess in Miami (badump-bump).
- Actually he’s won three Claret jugs, which reminds me of that chick in Total Recall.
- Speaking of three boobs, I hear the DSC is coming back.
Oh my!
Cookie “Chainsaw” Randolph’s columns appear every Tuesday and Friday on 619Sports.Net, and look for the Chainsaw podcast, coming soon! Check out Chainsaw’s home page.
Craig Elsten -
Chainsaw -
