The opinions below are not that of 619sports.net. I am not a journalist beholden to any illusions of professional integrity. I am however, an amateur musician who will heckle you for wearing a Ryne Sandberg jersey to a game in which the Chicago Cubs are not a participant… eh… if you’re wearing that jersey I’ll heckle you no matter who’s playin’!
Around the middle of last week I found myself pondering the prospect of Roy Oswalt as a Padre. Could it be the move to bring San Diego a championship? A bold thought for such a cash-strapped team! In the words of the Pixies, I thought, “Where is my mind?” (The Pixies will be at UCSD’s Rimac Arena on September 26th, if you feel the inclination to buy me a beer.)
The thought of Roy Oswalt in the Padres rotation was too good not to dream. Money however, would have been an insurmountable stumbling block with Oswalt due $16 million next year. Thankfully, a general lack of reason had never stopped me before and I wasn’t going to let it stop me now! After all… frolicking in frivolous pursuits is my specialty.
We know it’s always about the money but was there another way to examine such a transaction? I decided to use an old film to explain the nuts and bolts of why Roy Oswalt could never end up in San Diego. This fan’s salvation would be found in David Fincher’s Fight Club.
A lot of people didn’t get it when they first viewed Fight Club over 10 years ago. They were oblivious to the notion that the film before them was in fact the last great film of the 90s.
They thought it was nonsense. “Gratuitous violence packaged for confused youth”, they furiously scribed into their journal reviews. There were no shortages of myopia in the mainstream media but thankfully there were many who did get it.
Was there a better ending to a film than the specter of financial apocalypse? It became all the more palatable, occurring while the film’s schizophrenic protagonist and his nutty girlfriend watched peacefully as the Pixies provided the soundtrack.
It explored a variety of themes but none more expertly than that of mass consumerism and its affect on the individual. Oh yea… it had some awesome fights, too! (Attention: graphic link)
Alas, this is not a Rolling Stone movie and music review. It is but a humble column about my Padres. Allow me to return to my haphazard analogy…
In letting my mind run wild with visions of Oswalt, I thought back to the Fight Club scene where Edward Norton’s character “Jack”, in mid commute from Sea/Tac to LAX, discussed the nature of his job in the automotive industry with a fellow passenger. He would go on to explain that his job was to determine the cost of doing a faulty car part recall for his “unnamed” automotive company by applying the formula:
IF
(Prob. of part failure) X (Avg. out of court settlement) > (Cost of recall)
THEN
Recall is initiated
The first rule of making a trade with me is: You don't talk about making a trade with me.
If the formula yielded a figure that was less than the cost of a recall… well it was more economical to just let people die in the resulting wrecks. (A nice thought for those driving Toyotas last year)
After recollecting this scene I replaced Edward Norton with Jed Hoyer and slotted your casual San Diego sports fan into the plane passenger role. (Sorry…it’s my reverie…I can do what I want!)
Hoyer would go on to explain that Roy Oswalt’s services could only be obtained if his presence led to a World Series title and a revenue bump that was greater than his remaining 2010 salary and exorbitant 2011 figure. Otherwise it just wasn’t economically justified for a small market club like the Padres to add a player of Roy Oswalt’s caliber. (Quick, do the math)
I guess Ryan Ludwick fit the formula…and after the last couple of games I feel like a monkey that’s gone to heaven because of it!
Was this a convoluted way to examine a financial question for which we already knew the answer? Perhaps…
You may be tempted to view this odd trade-deadline analysis as a waste of your precious time but I’d be remiss if I didn’t point to this column’s value-added component… you now have a movie* idea for the week and a concert to attend on September 26th.
Enjoy!
*If you’ve already scene Fight Club allow me to recommend viewing it with the David Fincher/Edward Norton/Brad Pitt commentary feature. It’s fan-tastic!!!
Avenger-In-Chief’s columns appear periodically on 619Sports.Net. We’d like it to be every week but sometimes he forgets or gets busy.
Craig Elsten -
Chainsaw -
