While composing my Pulitzer Prize-caliber column on Marv Levy earlier this week (check the archives for the wonder and awe), it struck me that former San Francisco 49ers running back Roger Craig is responsible for Jim Carrey’s superstardom, the sitcom Friends, our national obsession with Jennifer Aniston’s fertility, the fate of Third World orphans, and one less Hall of Fame enshrinement in Canton, Ohio.
Insane you say? Allow yourself to thoroughly agree by reading on.
Known for his distinctive high-knee running technique, Roger Craig was the first NFL player to run and receive for over 1,000 yards in the same season. He earned three Super Bowl rings with the San Francisco 49ers and was headed for a fourth until fate intervened on January 20, 1991.
The two-time defending Super Bowl champion 49ers were nursing a 13-12 fourth quarter lead over the New York Giants in the NFC Championship Game at Candlestick Park. With less than three minutes remaining, the 49ers needed two first downs to clinch the game when the inexplicable occurred: Roger Craig fumbled and the Giants recovered.
Quarterback Jeff Hostetler, filling in for the injured Phil Simms, led the Giants downfield whereupon Matt Bahr kicked the game-winning field goal; 15-13 Giants.
Thus began one of the most percussive chain reactions in cultural American lore.
We all know what happened in the Super Bowl one week later. Whitney Houston sang the greatest rendition in national anthem history, and Scott Norwood missed a 47-yard field goal to hand the Giants a 20-19 victory over Marv Levy’s Buffalo Bills.
The likelihood of that same outcome had the 49ers been there instead of the Giants?
00.0001%. It’s all in the chain reaction.
The infamous “Wide Right Game” became the central plot line of the 1994 comedy sensation Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, launching Jim Carrey into superstardom (along with Dan Marino being wished to “die of gonorrhea and burn in hell”).
“Laces out, Dan!” became part of the national lexicon, as the Norwood-inspired character Ray Finkel, Jr. missed a fictitious field goal and blamed Marino, leading to his abduction in the movie. It’s difficult to argue that despite his brilliance on In Living Color, Jim Carrey never would have reached the zenith he did without Ace Ventura.
Thank you, Roger Craig.
Neither Carrey’s luscious co-star Courtney Cox, who despite her charm as Bruce Springsteen’s chick-from-the-crowd in the Boss’s epic’s Dancing in the Dark video ten years previous, may not have had the career momentum to land her iconic role as Monica Geller in Friends.
Thank you, Roger Craig.
Without Friends, not only would a nation have been spared the sitcom disaster “Joey,” we would also have been spared Jennifer Aniston’s personal drama. She was perfect as Rachel Green, but that kind of role only happens once. Without it, we would not be bearing witness to a string of box office clinkers and an endless parade of insufferable magazine profiles.
Thank you, Roger Craig.
One must also assume this chain reaction is also responsible for the Aniston/Brad Pitt break-up, the ensuing husband-stealing act by Angelina Jolie, and the subsequent adoption-addiction Brangelina contracted. Not to mention that hideous goat beard Pitt finally hacked off.
Thank you, Roger Craig.
These are just the highlights, but there are many more: the butt-talking phenomena, Sean Young’s infamous tuck, Steve Young replacing Joe Montana one year sooner, Bill Parcells’ legacy as a genius, and the preposterous exclusion of Roger Craig in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
Roger Craig rushed for more yards than HOFers Gale Sayers and Larry Csonka.
Roger Craig caught for more yards than HOFers Thurman Thomas, Barry Sanders, Eric Dickerson, Tony Dorsett, Walter Payton, John Riggins, and Franco Harris.
Roger Craig gained more total yards than HOFers Sayers, Csonka, Lenny Moore and Earl Campbell.
Roger Craig scored more touchdowns (73) than HOFers Sayers and Csonka.
Among running backs, only Franco Harris (four) won more Super Bowl rings than Roger Craig’s three, a number he shares with recent HOF inductee Emmitt Smith.
That fumble might be keeping Roger Craig out of Canton, but its chain reaction gave life to a generation of pop culture.
Thank you, Roger Craig.
Allllrighty then.
Craig Elsten -
Chainsaw -
